When my husband passed away from cancer in 2012, he had written in his will that he would like to have a Wake ceremony and for me to take care of it.
The Indigenous Tibetan Buddhist custom, which I respectfully practice, suggests leaving the body in a quiet space for three days. On the third day comes the planned ceremony.
After the nurse pronounced him dead, I called the funeral home and requested the coffin to be brought to our home. Then for three days, my chosen community of support made our home a sacred place of passing. We kept the doors of our home open 24/7 to allow visitors to quietly sit with the body.
On the third day I asked a Buddhist community leader, Susan Chapman, to perform a Ceremony for Passing called a “Sukhavati” – meditating on our intention that he be taken to the realm of Sukha, or Bliss.
When the ceremony ended with the burning of his photograph as a way of sending him off, we opened the floor to people’s stories, which brought tears, laughter, sadness and joy. Grief has many faces, and all are welcome.
The guests who walked through our home expressed their awe in “bringing death home”. While at first it may have felt unusual and uncomfortable, it soon became intimate, real, dignified and sacred.